These are the years I can say I was truely depressed, not knowing what was wrong with my vision, believing it ws something serious about to strike me down was soul destroying.

It was around this time that my parents got the internet package from NTL (virgin) and I was able to hook my pc up, instead of helping myself by looking up things related to the vision problem I took to playing Wolfenstein:Enemy Territory.

Somehow I was a very good natural aimer on this game, I ended up making my own clan, had our own servers and gained many friends along the way. but what they didnt know was the person they played with was sat there depressed, comfort eating, gaining weight, becoming more unhealthy by the day, I would literally play untill 5 am and sleep untill 1pm. It had become my life, my only life.

I ballooned…

March 23rd 2012 my fiancee gave birth to our twin daughters, this was likely the best thing that has happened to me. However it all but ended my training.

I was now required to help look after two babies, I often felt like a zombie version of the milk man, getting up at all hours to make endless bottles of milk for feeds, yawning my way through days living in our one bedroomed council flat.

I cannot deny it took its toll on me, we had no lift so I was literally carrying a double buggy up flights of stairs then the lack of sleep with two babies sharing my bedroom.

I remember I got up out of bed to make a feed, it must have been around 2 am, from the kitchen window I could see a lamp post to my disbelief I could see not just 2-3-4 glowing…

Since diagnosis, I have had so many appointments with eye specialists, optometrists, corneo plastic surgens, contact lens fitting, cornea scans that it would fill a whole book to go through each one in any detail.

One of my worst memories of these last two years was in March 2013, we went to Butlin’s in Minehead as part of my mother in laws Birthday celebration’s, I was already suffering frontal headaches the week leading up to this, but thought I could handle it.

I remember the first night there we went to a bar they call Centre Stage on the Butlin’s camp, it was dark with the only lights being those neon type lights that lit up the bar, and all around the room, as well as having pillar supports dotted around also completely lit in neon.

I walked up to the bar and ordered a drink for myself and fiancee…